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Mom's Corner
Care for the Caregiver
Most moms are pressed for time so we do what needs to be done for everyone else and put ourselves last. Then we either get resentful or codependent, giving ourselves all sorts of rationalizations and reasons about why being last is really just great. What we need to do, as moms, is make a subtle shift in consciousness. Instead of leaving ourselves out of the picture, we need to add ourselves into it. In other words, we need to allow everyone around us the privilege of having a self including us. Having a self is an attitude, a way we perceive ourselves in the context of others. It is recognizing that we matter too, along with everyone else. If we don't allow ourselves to have a self we will resent our partners and our children for getting to have one.
Checklist: Are you:
Getting enough rest; are you going to bed early enough so that you get the sleep you need- around eight hours/night?
Eating well, are you eating wholesome, nourishing foods that give you energy and taste good?
Spending time alone or quiet time: When there is a break in the day do you take it and nourish your spirit with calm and quiet?
Enjoying down time with your children: Are you allowing for periods each day when you and your children can just be?
Spending time with friends: Are you getting together with friends on your own or with your family?
Nourishing your spirit: Are you doing things that nourish your spirit, walking in nature, reading inspirational books or attending faith groups?
Exercising and staying fit: Are you getting exercise for your body either with your children or in other ways so that you feel energized and fit?
Mood Mending Moments
Grab your own quiet time and use it, go within, even your breath and ask your mind to ask your body to relax. On the out breath, exhale tension and anxiety, on the in breath, inhale peace and tranquility .Do this diaphragmatic breathing 4-7 times per session and throughout your day whenever you want to mean a mood or get your equilibrium back.
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Guidelines for how to start a “Mom's Support Group”
Your mom support group can be a cornerstone of your mom network. Find a few moms who get along with each other and agree on a time that works for everyone. Your group can meet monthly, bimonthly or weekly, depending upon your needs and availability. It can include your kids or not depending upon what you want. If it does not include kids monthly is a good framework. If it does include kids you can meet more often. You can hire a babysitter or let the kids play while you chat informally.
Keep a Simple Format
Choose an affirmation to begin the group. After reading the affirmation anyone who wishes to can share what thoughts the affirmation leads them to. Time sharing to about three minutes per person. Next invite the group member to read their piece and tell the group why they choose it. Then, open the floor for sharing whatever group members wish to share around the subject of this reading.
If your mom support group becomes a monthly support/growth group without children you will need to follow some basic ground rules.
- Respect for each member. Each member is responsible for their own growth, and needs to feel safe and comfortable sharing openly and honestly without fearing attack or criticism.
- Stay away from advice or criticism. If anyone in the group gives too much advice or criticism, gently remind them that this is not part of the ground rules.
- Do not allow any one member to dominate the time. It's a good idea to time the sharing so that everyone gets a fair turn, and to time other talking so that no one person dominates the time.
- Avoid cross-talk. Allow each person to share fully without interruption or unnecessary feedback. The purpose is to share, listen and identify with others, not to impose a particular point of view on anyone.
- No mood-altering beverages or chemicals. Even smoking and eating can take you out of the moment, and may best be kept for the beginning or the end of your meeting. Simple beverages are fine.
- Be punctual. It's hard on group cohesion when people come in late and interrupt the flow of the sharing. Come on time and leave on time.
- Have fun. This group should feel like self-care, a place to share and grow and enjoy community with others. It's not therapy and should in no way feel intimidating.
If your mom support group is moms only, you may wish to by my Affirmations for Parents book for inspirational daily reading. You can also bring in articles and books that group members have found helpful and share them with each other. One person each group can be in charge of running the group and another can volunteer to bring in an article or favorite affirmation to share and discuss. Revolve these people each group or regularly.
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Mom Survival Tools of the Trade
Crock Pot: This is a must have for any mom. It will come with receipts and you can get more from book stores or the internet. Using a crock pot will help you to create yummy meals that are not expensive with very little work. It just means you have to be organized in the morning to throw stuff in but it makes the late afternoon much smoother and will open up time to slow down and relax a bit. It will also fill your home with lovely smells that make everyone feel cozy and comforted.
Freezer: When you cook, with crock pot or anything else, get in the habit of cooking twice the amount you need and freeze half. This will allow you to cook a main dish half as often and you will know what's going into your food, you can keep it healthy.
A Wok: If you like stir fried food this is easy and delicious. You can make a batch of brown rice that easily lasts a week in the frig. Warm it up in the microwave with a few drops of water and throw your stir-fry on top of it. You will have a beautifully balanced meal if you use veggies and protein in the stir fry. Search your grocery store for yummy Asian sauces to put in the stir fry, everyone has them.
Mediterranean eating: Being Greek I have spent my life eating simple, Mediterranean foods. Boiled veggies like broccoli or cabbage were always covered with olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper in my house. Oven chicken had the same topping with a little oregano (or Greek Seasonings) on top. Throw in some thickly sliced potatoes a couple garlic cloves and bake it with foil for a while then without foil to brown and you'll have a delicious dinner. Slice a fresh tomato to go with it and put Krazy salt on it. The idea here is simple, fresh and natural. And company, sit down for a nice break, say a prayer before the meal or do the sign of the cross and enjoy who you're with. Relax. Chat. This is Mediterranean weight control. When you let your spirit be nourished and your need for comfort and connection you eat less. Make an omelet for dinner with tomatoes, feta and sautéed onions.
More Mood Mending…….
How Mend a Frazzled Mood through Deep Relaxation
Lie down somewhere quiet and comfortable, on your bed or on the floor. Put a small pillow under your head. Uncross your arms and legs, face the ceiling and let your palms fall out in a relaxed position. Allow your feet to relax and fall easily to the sides. Make sure there are as few intruding sounds as possible, but if they exist simply let them be, give them space to exist. Now go to your breath, breathe in and out easily and completely without a pause between inhalation and exhalation and r-e-l-a-x. Allow your thoughts to move on their own through your consciousness, as if you are sitting on a riverbank watching the water flow by. You have no more thought of controlling your thought processes, than you would have of controlling the water as it moves past you. Simply witness your thoughts as they move past your mind's eye. Imagine your emotions as running their own growth course. Like observing a flower, let each feeling emerge, bloom fully and watch as the petals of spent emotion fall away. Simply witness. Continue to breathe in and out easily and peacefully as you allow yourself to relax more fully. Mentally go through your body one part at a time and ask your mind to ask your body to relax. Relax your forehead; breathe in and out easily and completely without a pause between inhalation and exhalation and r-e-l-a-x. Repeat this process throughout your body, concentrating on the cheeks, eyes, jaw, tongue, neck, shoulders, chest, back, stomach, arms, hands, fingers and fingertips, palms, hips, groin area, thighs, calves, feet and soles of the feet. Feel a cool wave of relaxation pass through you from your head to your toes. Begin your visualization here or proceed with the remainder of this relaxation and imagery. As you breathe in or inhale, imagine you're breathing in a soft, yellow light that gradually grows inside of you until it fills you completely. On your out breath or your exhalation, exhale any tension or negativity you may be feeling. Repeat this imagery as many times as you wish. Gradually, whenever you feel ready, begin by moving your hands and your feet and slowly come back into the room. Now, move into your day more fully relaxed and aware.
Repatterning Negative Thinking through Visualization
Guided imagery offers a way to consciously do neural repatterning and let our minds' creative capacities for visualization and imagination do a little synthetic living for us. We can lay down new thinking and feeling patterns that will impact our behavior by imagining ourselves operating as we wish to operate being, as we wish to be, and reeducating knee-jerk reactions and old tapes.
Here's How
1. Find a comfortable place in which you feel you can sink into a nice, relaxing state.
2. Go to your relaxation breathing and take even, regular, relaxing breaths without pauses between inhalation and exhalation, and r-e-l-a-x. You can use the relaxation techniques described in the previous section, or you can imagine yourself going down an escalator, slowly getting to the bottom where you can start your visualization.
3. Allow yourself to picture a situation or focus on a way of being not necessarily as it is but as you wish it to be. If, for example, you wish to be more comfortable socially, imagine yourself entering and operating in a social situation easily and comfortably. Or if you'd like to be successful in some area of endeavor, imagine yourself as already successful, being in those situations and operating comfortably, as if it were real in the here and now.
4. Now, have it, smell it, taste it, feel it, hear it, touch it and let it touch you. Be in this situation as if it were real and happening just this way in the here and now. Engage with all of your senses through the creative picturing of your imagination.
5. Now, release your vision and trust the universe to carry it into its vast, eternal space.
6. Repeat this process any time of the day that you feel inclined to and it is physically safe to do so. (Not in a moving car; yes, in an airplane or while sitting at the kitchen table or lying on a couch.) It can take as long as ten seconds or ten minutes. And it should feel relaxing, reviving and reeducating.
7. After you're finished, slowly begin to move your hands and feet, come back up your escalator or bring your attention back into the room.
Enjoy the sense of relaxation and centeredness, and move into your day with pleasure.
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